Update!

Lots has happened since my last post. Over a week ago, the doctor confirmed that I'm not just borderline Pre-eclampsia, but I indeed have the disease. Since then, I've been on watch for potential induction, with four visits to the doctor (two in one day) and one to the hospital. Even though all the Pre-eclampsia symptoms were present...high blood pressure, excessive swelling, protein in the urine (which indicates a rise in liver enzyme levels), a headache incurable by Tylenol and visual disturbances (flashing, spotted light), the blood test reported the liver and kidneys weren't "that bad yet." And since I was two days shy of 37 weeks, we decided to wait on inducing. I guess we wait for my organs to get worse, or wait for 39 weeks when the doctor can safely induce me (which is about 9 days from now) - or alternatively, maybe the baby will just come on her own.

Over the weekend, I rested - read a lot, lounged a lot, laid in bed a lot...I wasn't feeling too great, so naturally, Monday's doctor's visit would confirm that the Pre-eclampsia had gotten worse. But I guess all the resting did me good because my blood pressure was surprisingly low. Not that I wanted it to be high, but I had anticipated being induced and when I found out I wasn't going to be (not that day anyway) I was a little disappointed. But when the doctor checked my cervix, to my surprise, I went from a fingertip dilated to over two, practically three centimeters dilated in just four days. With my first pregnancy, I was three centimeters dilated, and in the hospital with an epidural. How was I now really walking around that "open?" Maybe labor was closer than I thought.

All Monday I began to feel bouts of pressure on my vaginal bone, which only added to the bruising feeling I've had over the last several weeks. The pressure was paired with dull aches in my lower back, tightness in my spine and occasional sharp stabbing sensations through my hips. I began to feel incredibly nauseated. Could I be in labor? That night, I slept sitting up in a chair, my feet and legs stretched out onto an ottoman, eventually going numb. I could feel my hips spreading, loosening, preparing for Chanel's arrival.

Nickel size chunks of brown tinged mucous and or clear pieces with blood began to excrete themselves from my vagina. This carried through Tuesday and seemed to only make my hips feel more tender and out of place. But no baby. I decided to go to the chiropractor for a thirty minute massage and adjustment (anything to band-aide the pain). It helped, for maybe an hour and then back to the stabbing hip sensations that left me unable to walk without loudly vocalizing the pain, as I held onto doorways, furniture and walls, just to make it to my frequent bathroom visits, which weren't only a representation of my nine month pregnant bladder, but now accompanied loose stools.

It's Wednesday, and my water is still intact. I'm bruised, have limited circulation, pain throughout my entire body, random heartburn and I've now mastered the ability to waddle - not even because I'm nine months pregnant and have a watermelon sized stomach, but because my hips are on the verge of breaking and it's the only logical way (ha) to get around without completely killing them.

I go to the doctor tomorrow, where she's going to "strip my membrane." It may just be the one thing that sends my body into natural labor. How am I looking forward to this? I guess when you can leave impression marks in your swollen legs, that last several seconds, just by slightly applying pressure with your finger, and your skin from your knees to the top of your feet are so tight it feels as though it could rip at any given time, you'd do just about anything to relieve the discomfort...even if it's a few minutes of feeling like your doctor has her hand in your stomach by way of your vagina, as she scraps out the remains of your mucous plug.

Oh joy.

We'll see what tomorrow brings.

Chanel kicking

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Heart

Six and a half more weeks till your due date. You're about 17 inches, 4 1/2 pounds and growing. The "limited real-estate," I spoke about weeks ago was considerably over exaggerated compared to the available real-estate space now. You're constantly moving around, adjusting your position and even giving a kick or two to my organs or ribs to let me know you're there. In fact, you're kicking me right now. Your kicks are like very strong heart beats. I'm watching my stomach move and it's like watching a cartoon character's heart beating so rapidly that you can see it pounding from outside it's chest. Sometimes, when I'm in meetings, I wonder if anyone else notices you moving. I have 13 more work days before I get to kick my feet up and just wait for you. I'm looking forward to that. It'll give me time to finish preparing for you, do something special with your brother and sister and pack my hospital bag! You're the heart of this family and I know when you arrive you'll be so loved.

I love you,
Mommy

Chanelly, I'm taking you night swimming for your first time. I wonder if my belly with float! Xo

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Braxton Hicks

I don't remember it feeling this bad. I was up all night with braxton hicks. The pain radiating through my spine, the nauseas burn formatting in my stomach and the runs..yep pregnancy is not always dignified. But its my body's way of getting prepared for you, combined with its natural reaction to pain. I don't like the discomfort, but it reminds me that I'm nearing the end of this pregnancy and you'll be here soon, which makes any discomfort or pain I've felt seem insignificant. And since I'm not feeling so hot right now, I have to remember why I'm doing this all, which is to meet you and be your mommy. I love you Chanel.

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It's getting hard to breath

I feel the pressure under my ribs, and I can actually feel you pressing my intestines and stomach and it hurts in an uncomfortable way. The bigger you get, the harder it is to breath. Hopefully you'll change positions soon so I can get some relief. I've been thinking about labor and I'm getting nervous. It's been almost 7 years since I gave birth, and in about 8 weeks, I'll be doing it all over again. There are so many unknowns..like who will be there when you're born, and if I'll be in labor alone, who will watch your brother and sister, and will anyone stay overnight with us in the hospital? Today I went to the doctor. You're doing well, heartbeat strong, head down and growing just like you should be. My blood pressure is low, which is positive when paired with my excessive swelling. Four more weeks until I am able to stop work, unless my blood pressure goes up at all. The doctor said I need to delegate when I'm at home, for my husband to take care of the kids, so I can put my feet up and relieve some of the swelling. I told her that I'm doing this all alone; that that wasn't the intended plan, but that's the way it worked out. She said that's a lot for me, and I agreed. I was laying on the doctor's table, listening to your heartbeat as we spoke. I could feel a surge of emotion rush through my face and tears about to form, but I maintained a steady voice and forcefully stopped myself from crying. I never imagined being completely unsupported, but as I sit today, I am. Me nine years ago, pregnant with your brother, wouldn't be able to handle this. Me today, pregnant with you, is stronger than I ever gave myself credit for. Tomorrow is my birthday. It's really just another day for me, and more of a dedication to my mother because without her, I wouldn't have your brother, sister or you and I'm incredibly thankful for that. Well, I'm going to feed you and me now.

I love you, Mommy

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History in the making

One of the worst terrorist ever seen in my time is dead; Osama Bin Laden is dead! The world is in an uproar with emotions...American's excited and celebrating...and others around the world preparing themselves for reactions; suicide bombers and possible terrorists revolting. The president is about to speak on TV to give more details. I'm watching history in the making, and you're snuggled away in my tummy with no idea what's going on. I'm thrilled to know that one less evil will be in this world when you're born. I love you, Mommy.

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