It's getting hard to breath

I feel the pressure under my ribs, and I can actually feel you pressing my intestines and stomach and it hurts in an uncomfortable way. The bigger you get, the harder it is to breath. Hopefully you'll change positions soon so I can get some relief. I've been thinking about labor and I'm getting nervous. It's been almost 7 years since I gave birth, and in about 8 weeks, I'll be doing it all over again. There are so many unknowns..like who will be there when you're born, and if I'll be in labor alone, who will watch your brother and sister, and will anyone stay overnight with us in the hospital? Today I went to the doctor. You're doing well, heartbeat strong, head down and growing just like you should be. My blood pressure is low, which is positive when paired with my excessive swelling. Four more weeks until I am able to stop work, unless my blood pressure goes up at all. The doctor said I need to delegate when I'm at home, for my husband to take care of the kids, so I can put my feet up and relieve some of the swelling. I told her that I'm doing this all alone; that that wasn't the intended plan, but that's the way it worked out. She said that's a lot for me, and I agreed. I was laying on the doctor's table, listening to your heartbeat as we spoke. I could feel a surge of emotion rush through my face and tears about to form, but I maintained a steady voice and forcefully stopped myself from crying. I never imagined being completely unsupported, but as I sit today, I am. Me nine years ago, pregnant with your brother, wouldn't be able to handle this. Me today, pregnant with you, is stronger than I ever gave myself credit for. Tomorrow is my birthday. It's really just another day for me, and more of a dedication to my mother because without her, I wouldn't have your brother, sister or you and I'm incredibly thankful for that. Well, I'm going to feed you and me now.

I love you, Mommy

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